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April 10, 2012
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The year they discovered my best friend, twenty years old and silent under the heap of her wrecked car, I learned one can sleep forever and never wake up.

That year, her sister, only seventeen, ate magic mushrooms and lost her mind and her brother, fourteen, started running and stopped eating and I didn't eat magic mushrooms but lost my mind anyway as everyone watched my skin, too white to be real, disintegrate before their eyes.

That year I flew to Colorado to see an urn surrounded by pointe shoes. It reminded me more of a wastebasket than the last I would see of the girl who shared my soul. Her sister ran naked through the street a few days later after ingesting a certain fungus at her school's homecoming dance. Most say it was the drugs. Maybe, I said. But I knew exactly what it was. Her brother started walking with his feet turned out, a remnant of his ballerina sister instilled in him. I ripped the flesh from my arms, hoping to find her somewhere underneath my fingernails until a doctor gave me medicine and I stopped looking under my skin and started playing the game of how long can I sleep before I wake up.

Her sister ended up in an asylum where they gave her the same medicine they gave me. They say she's doing better. Who is They, I wonder, and what would They say about me if They see that I am not doing as well as her. Her brother keeps amassing cross country trophies, winning solely because he imagines running to her. I continue to play the sleeping game, each nap longer than the last, but I always wake up even though I don't always know where I am.
Wow, let me just say that I would like to thank all of you who have left notes and comments offering me your support after this little diary entry of mine made it to the DD page. It will be two years since her death on August 26. We are all doing better now, myself included. Perhaps if we had had a better support system back then, I would have never written this.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-05-05
~beastbookbody compresses a tidal wave of emotion into the brief, nonfiction How to Sleep and Never Wake Up. ( Featured by neurotype )
:iconmoonstreamfeline:
MoonstreamFeline May 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for writing this, and posting/publishing it. Although this has never happened to me, I feel empathy. I happened to be playing the song "Skinny Love' by Birdy before I read this and I think it fits really well. I hope things get better, and i know I am just a stranger maybe if you ever need it you can talk to me about it? I probably won't be much help but I can be a good listener... (at least when my internet is working properly)
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:iconbeastbookbody:
Thank you for your empathy but I'm doing better than I was back when I wrote this and so is her family. :) In fact, I visit them every couple of months and I've become really close with her sister.
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:iconmoonstreamfeline:
MoonstreamFeline May 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome, and I'm glad things are better!!
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:iconkimtan1999:
kimtan1999 May 5, 2013  Student General Artist
It's short, but I don't know what to say here O.o
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:iconbatmanwithbunnyears:
I feel a lot of your pain. My Dad's liver is almost completely destroyed, and yet I can't get him to stop drinking. Every time I call him and he doesn't answer, I can't help but fear the worst...
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:iconbeastbookbody:
If you need to talk about it, you can always message me.
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:iconbatmanwithbunnyears:
I appreciate it. Things are looking up now, though. He offered to "party" with me, and I ended up dumping out the alcohol. I think that was a turning point, because he's been clean ever since. :)
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:iconbeastbookbody:
Yay! Good for you. Sometimes it takes someone really close to you to make you realize that you're not just hurting yourself but hurting others as well with your actions.
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:icondraconasaurus:
Draconasaurus May 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Dafuq did I just read?
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype May 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Words?
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